The scientific community is buzzing about what Dr. I. L. Gloindark called "a modest proposal" for dealing with the greenhouse effect. The greenhouse effect, you recall, is the warming of the planet due to the capture of sunlight by gases produced when fossil fuels are burned. Many scientists blame the greenhouse effect for the excruciating blasts of hot air felt throughout the country last summer. Others blame this increase in hot air on a quadrennial phenomenon known as the White House effect.

We spoke to Dr. Gloindark on the grounds of the Los Alamos Mental Health Institute where he was being treated for a mild military-industrial complex. "The idea came to me as I was planning a nuclear winter ski vacation to the slopes of Mauna Loa. If a full scale nuclear war could raise enough dust to cause a drastic drop in the earth's temperature, I thought, 'why couldn't a limited nuclear strike cause a limited drop in the average global temperature?'"

Already Dr. Gloindark's idea has drawn praise from some of the most respected scientists working in the field of global ecology. Dr. P. H. Tulow, who first suggested that acid rain could be prevented by seeding clouds with Rolaids, said, "It's Marvelous! It will give us a use for all those intermediate range nuclear missiles that would have to be destroyed otherwise "

Dr. I Wezengasp was contacted at her Los Angeles home. Dr. Wezengasp is up for a Nobel Prize for her theory that a giant prehistoric spaceship dumped fluorocarbon refrigerant over the South Pole, both creating the ozone hole and turning Antarctica from a tropical paradise to a frozen wasteland. She said "It's elegant! Think of the mushroom clouds as shade trees for the planet earth. They're the same shape and instead of fall leaves, you can have fallout. It's almost as brilliant as my plan to patch the ozone hole with ozone-rich L. A. smog by towing the city to the South Pole after it breaks off the continent during the next big quake."

Not all scientists were as enthusiastic though. One who wished to remain anonymous grumbled "He found the solution before I could finish the research grant proposal to study the problem. You call that good science?"

The ideal site for the early summer attack, according to Gloindark, would be a desert country (for the dust) within range of Soviet and American INF missles in Europe. World leaders favored Irak as the target, even before the ecological purpose of the strike was explained.